18. Trusting God To Write My Story
A lot has changed in five years.
Living under Providence
How unspeakably precious and sweet it is when we can believe that God our Father in heaven is absolutely directing the most minute circumstances of our short sojourn in this wilderness world! That nothing, however trivial, takes place, whether it relates to the body or the soul, but is under His control-in fact, is ordered by Himself!
-Mary Winslow
From the book- You Can Trust God To Write Your Story: Embracing The Mysteries Of Providence by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth
Five years ago this fall, I felt like God had forgotten about me. Even though I knew deep down, that He had never forgotten me nor left me (Hebrews 13:5, Deuteronomy 31:6-8). I was struggling to see His providence in my life and didn’t understand why I had some unanswered prayers that I had been praying for years.
I had just returned from living abroad in Europe after a few years of teaching English in Spain, was beginning the process of obtaining my teaching certification through the state of California, and was working as a tutor for English language learners, while also simultaneously trying to get my foot back in the door to temporarily work in finance again while I worked on my credential program (it payed more than tutoring).
On the surface, it looked like I had everything going for me, and I did in so many ways. I had spent in total, four years fulfilling my dreams in traveling around the US and all over Europe. I lived in states and countries that I had never previously visited. I had finally finished my education after not knowing for a while what I wanted to study. And I knew I wasn’t ready to commit to a career in the US until after I had the chance to teach English abroad. It was an absolute dream come true to have everything fall into place that way.
But beneath the surface, during all those years of education and traveling, all I ever truly wanted was to be a wife, mother and homemaker. Contrary to many of my peers at the time, I wasn’t actively trying to avoid marriage and motherhood so that I could girl boss it to the sky, sleep around and flip the bird at the patriarchy. I was just trying to be faithful with the time and resources that I had at the time, trying to move in some direction in life instead of remaining stagnant and hoping life would just be handed to me.