13. The end of the honeymoon stage and the normalcy of family life
When the newness of marriage and motherhood fades, and everything feels just as it should be.
This week, I’m writing more of a diary entry type of post. Now that this year is coming up on its final months, I’m already finding myself looking back and reflecting on what I’ve learned, where I’ve grown, how I’ve failed and how God has been faithful.
Something personal that has been evident to me about 2024 has been how normal marriage, motherhood and family life is to me now. The honeymoon phase of being a wife, mother and a homemaker has faded away- and not in a negative sense, but more in a positive, settling in, this-is-what-normal-is sense.
My husband and I have even recently shared with others that our little family has just gone through such a sweet season of bonding together, forming our own traditions and making memories- all outside the honeymoon stage.
In the midst of all this, I was unfortunately reminded of a conversation I had several years ago with someone I’m no longer associated with about marriage and having children.
Several years ago, long before I was married and a mother, someone once told me something about marriage and family life that was so discouraging and incredibly off putting, yet I took it to heart, and even started to doubt my own desires for marriage and motherhood because of this person’s marriage and home life.
Without any Biblical reference or context besides this person’s own negative experiences- this individual told me that, just when a married couple or a family unit enters into a season of peace or a steady rhythm of stability and predictable routine- that is when Satan strikes. I wasn’t so sure what to make of this conversation or this comment. It was a loaded comment. But if that same person were to say that same comment to me today, I would ask, “by what standard is this true for all marriages? Yours? Do you think every couple deals with the exact same amount of dysfunction as your own marriage(s)?”
Looking back, I now clearly realize that this person was just merely projecting their own personal marital problems onto everyone else’s marriages, as if it was the standard for for all Christian marriages to have as many problems and as much baggage as this individual’s marriage(s) had because they were hurting.
Sure, marriage can be difficult at times. But, what does anyone expect when two imperfect sinners come together to build a life and a family together? A Disney fairy tale? And not just that, what about all the uncontrollable factors outside of the marriage such as job loss, illness or an unexpected tragedy that could cause strain in the relationship? If you have an unrealistic, Disney Princess, fantasy world view of marriage and family, then sure, you’re going to be setting yourself up for major disappointment when real life happens.
But the various things that could happen or do happen that are less than ideal, are just things that are part of life, married or not married. With or without children. We live in a fallen world full of imperfect people. Seasons of difficulty or struggle are inevitable at some point in everyone’s life. But at the same time, we as Christians have hope.
Without going off into a separate topic, it is important that I pause here and emphasize that Christians endure difficulties, trials, tragedy and tribulations with hope. We know that our God is sovereign and works all things for the good of those that love Him. He is the author of history- even our own individual histories. He knows how many strands of hair are on our heads and feeds the birds of the air. And one day, He will wipe away every tear and make all things right.
Our theology, (the study of God-what we understand and believe to be true about God) directly affects how we live and how we view our lives, and most importantly- it affects our marriages, homes and relationships with our children.
This all ties into the main point of this post.
At the superficial level, the honeymoon stage of my marriage and entrance into motherhood has ended. For many, this sounds like a death sentence. But this attitude is far from the truth.